she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
