you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
