how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
