News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
