and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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