I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
