It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
