I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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