I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
