smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
