he shaved USA in his pubs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
