i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
