I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
