Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
