I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
