his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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