CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
