we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
