Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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