i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
