sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
