don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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