Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
