New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
