hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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