Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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