So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
