I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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