You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
