we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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