Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
