Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
