i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
