i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
