finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
