girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
