Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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