At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
