What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
