everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
