dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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