In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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