I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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