i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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