I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
