Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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