Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
