i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ttyl tear gas
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
These tits shall not be calmed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
