OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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