I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
