even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
