it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
